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Erectile dysfunction: What can women do if things don’t work out in bed?

Sexuality has a different importance for each person within a relationship. However, studies show that most people consider shared intimacy to be extremely important. As people get older, men in particular can suffer from sexual dysfunction, of which erectile dysfunction is the most common.

And women suffer at least as much with their partners because they themselves are affected. A feeling of helplessness can quickly spread to guilt and shame, which only makes intimate encounters more difficult over time. In my blog article I would like to inform you about what women can do if their partner has erectile dysfunction and what options there are to increase pleasure in bed.

Couple in bed, living sexuality, touching, more joy in bed
Intimacy is important for any love relationship (Photo by Wix)

First of all, there can be different reasons for this type of disorder. Physical reasons can be smoking, drinking too much alcohol, an unhealthy diet or lack of sleep. These reasons should be discussed with a doctor and, in my opinion, should always be clarified before a psychological examination. If none of this brings about the desired change, it is important to be aware of how long the problem has existed and in what context it regularly occurs. Is there a pattern? Are there certain thoughts or feelings that your partner has shortly before losing his erection? Does he need certain images or fantasies to feel aroused and, if so, is there a connection between the loss of erection and these fantasies? In the latter case, it could be that he only maintains his erection with certain images or actual actions, while it is lost if these actions or images do not occur. Then you would at least have the chance to ask about these images and actions and respond to him accordingly so that he feels more seen and heard and you fulfill his intimate desires. Of course, this should only ever happen if you like to share and live out these fantasies with him and if you also enjoy it. If the erectile dysfunction has been going on for a long time or has gradually gotten worse, there may be a psychological cause in addition to the physical reasons, which is worth investigating. Many men are not aware of how much they use sexual dysfunction as a means of self-regulation. Men may feel overwhelmed in life and not want to show it. In bed, however, this overload then comes to light in the form of erectile dysfunction. This is just one example. The causes can be very diverse and vary from individual to individual.

Erectile dysfunction with psychological causes is usually the result of subconscious beliefs that remain in the dark.

The subconscious regulates the entire body. All processes take place unconsciously and are therefore automatic. If a process, such as a man's erection, is disturbed, it is definitely worth looking into the subconscious and asking: "What did I experience, think and/or feel that caused me to develop erectile dysfunction?". Since the foundation for personal sexuality is laid in early childhood, the conscious mind, which only makes up five percent of the total consciousness, is usually not aware of one or more experiences that led to the later disorder. Everything that happened before a person was seven years old cannot be recalled in the conscious mind unless you are very centered and can easily put yourself into a trance while keeping your eyes open. Since many people do this unconsciously several times a day, it is rare that you can find the solution to the puzzle on your own. Hypnosis is a suitable tool for this and can help to uncover this hidden information. If it is visible, you can look at the meaning that the subconscious has given to these situations. Because it is these that ensure that certain physical processes are disrupted.

It is the meaning that hurts us!

If you change the meaning of a previous experience and shed light on it, the body can receive new information from the subconscious and gradually implement it. Since this is relearning in the classic sense, it takes some time. Even if eighty percent of the work is already done during hypnosis, it still takes a few weeks of integrative work. This means that a personal audio should be listened to every evening to support and stimulate the brain. This way, it learns to stop using the old connections and to create new ones instead. If these are stable after three to four weeks, the brain begins to use them automatically in connection with certain touches or ideas that we have already installed as anchors during hypnosis. Unlike with a computer, where a one-time programming works immediately, with people it can take a few days to several months before the new belief fully develops its desired effect.

Couple kissing, hot kisses, love outdoors, sexuality in nature
Hot Kisses (Photo by Wix)

This is where YOU come in as the partner. Because if you want your partner to be able to relax completely again during the most beautiful hours together, you need a lot of sensitivity and more understanding for him. It is most helpful if a couple works on it together and you know what anchors your partner has. These are positive stimuli that can increase his sexual arousal and also improve his stamina. The more often you use this together during the relearning phase, the better his brain can accept and integrate the new. In addition, your partner has an immediate sense of achievement and can relax better each time and fully enjoy sex again. For you, this means that you can pay more attention to the signals during these weeks and get involved yourself. Even if we women like to let ourselves go, it is important at the beginning that you support him on his path. The better this works, the faster your sexuality will return to the level you want.


Erectile dysfunction can be caused not only by physical reasons but also by subconscious processes, beliefs and images. These can be brought to light and positively influenced using hypnosis and coaching, making it easier to overcome erectile dysfunction. Cooperation between both partners makes this process much easier and can strengthen the relationship and the bond between the partners. Do you and your partner want to find out about the path to a more fulfilling sexuality?

Book now virtual initial consultation and get advice.


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